Blind, Drunk, Sticky, Date
by falconpilot
Summary: Octavia and a human get a bit too worked up over drinking alcohol on a blind date. Awkwardness ensues (In editing)


Note: This chapter is undergoing revision! Expect plot changes sometime soon.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything here, and this isn't supposed to ruin any impressions of the show.

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It was a blind date.

And for Werner Brandt, he's never been on a blind date before. Nor any date previously.

He sat there, fidgeting quietly in the seat behind the table, waiting for his date. It was simply Ponyville's local diner, the Average Joe when it comes down simplistic dating in a small, laid back village. He had a job here, one he acquired by forcing himself into labour repayment when they refused to give a job to him initially.

But now, he was the customer, wondering who could possibly have been picked for him by the fashionista, Rarity.

She initially offered him a set of new clothes for Hearth's Warming, which he declined as he wasn't interested in a wardrobe expansion anytime soon. When questioned on what he did want, he simply replied 'Permanent'. Rarity thought about it for a moment, before finally giving the suggestion of a blind date. He accepted the suggestion, thinking to himself that he should probably make some new friends in a new world.

Of course, he wasn't too sure of what to do on such an occasion; although he did manage to acquire more formal clothing from Rarity beforehand, it was still a large mystery to him in terms of how to carry out the date- was he supposed to bring something? Dress formal? Or was he supposed to come just as casual as possible? Nonetheless, he dressed in a black tuxedo outfit based off of what he heard was needed for a date, along with bringing some extra bits on hand, should any contingencies arise.

Then he couldn't stop thinking about who this someone; or in this case, somepony- Rarity had picked out for him. He just hoped that whoever she was, she would just at the very least-

"Can I take your or- oh, hello there, Mr. Brandt," the waiter greeted, once he noticed that the seated figure was one of his fellow coworkers.

"Hello Silver Plate, still working this evening?"

"Yes, I just didn't expect you to be here..." the stallion chuckled, taking out a pencil and notepad, "So can I take your order?"

"Actually, I have a date coming," Werner explained, taking a glance at his watch and then taking a quick sniff at his white undershirt shirt collar.

"Are you alright? You seem a little nervous."

"Of course not!" he denied initially, but then he quickly glanced around the restaurant a quick moment before continuing, "Actually, I am a bit- because this is a blind date, and I'm not too sure on what to do."

"I heard about those," Silver shared with his human friend, "A friend of mine told me that some went great, while others turned out on the wrong side of the planet."

Werner simply shared a headshake with his coworker.

"So what can I get you?" he asked, getting back on task. "Or do you want me to come back when your date arrives?"

"That would be fine." he agreed, watching the waiter put away the pencil and pad and moving on to his next task.

He turned around once the waiter got back to the counter, noticing that his date arrived. He saw a light gray mare, with a neatly styled raven mane and light violet eyes. They were complimented with a white collar and a pink bowtie. He instantly knew that this was probably one of the classier mares that packed more bits to their lifestyle than anything else.

"Oh! Well, you were a bit different than from what I expected." she spoke with a posh, reserved English accent, reminding her of a British woman back from home, but much less snooty in tone. "You must be the other end of Rarity's blind date, is this correct?"

Werner couldn't help but to squint his eyes a bit at the mare, rather impolitely, receiving a concerned look from her. "Sorry, sorry. I'm still not quite over how she set this up to work... Bah, what am I saying?" _Mental note: Hang yourself. You're just as bad with ladies here than you were on Earth._

"First time out, huh?" she stifled a laugh, melting away much of Werner's tension, "The name is Octavia Melody. But I'm also comfortable with the nickname 'Tavi."

"Brandt. Werner Brandt." He replied almost immediately. Although they didn't even make any actual conversations with each other, he can instantly tell that she was one of the less bratty ones hes met; If he talked like that to some Canterlot mare, he would probably find himself just sacked at the table.

"Huh. Well, it's nice to meet you here, Mr. Brandt."

"Same to you too," Werner returned the emotion, "But please, if you allow me to call you 'Tavi, you can feel free to call me by the first name, too."

Just then, the waiter came over to their table again, after completing his run of orders.

"So what can I get you two?" the waiter noticed the mare on the other side of Werner's table, giving her a light smile. He gave the human a quick wink when she wasn't at attention.

"The dandelion salad would be fine," Octavia answered quickly, without the need of the menu.

"And some wine for the both of you, is this alright?"

"Yeah, it would be fine." the human agreed, looking down on the table once the waiter left the two alone.

"You don't want anything to eat?" Octavia asked with the slightest hint of concern.

"No, it's alright," Werner sighed, but still giving a sign of positive mood, "Nothing much I can eat here, anyways..."

"Right. Aliens are so weird." He was taken slightly aback by the remark, but quickly laughed it off when he remembered his attitude back from where he came.

There was a moment of awkwardness between the two before Werner decided to speak up on his part of the conversation.

"You know, I would've talked about the weather if we were in my home universe," Werner chuckled lightly, "But seeing how you have pegasi to control the weather for the society, I'm rather stumped on what to talk about..."

"That's just absurd," Octavia stifled a quick laugh, "How could you possibly control the weather back home without magic?"

Werner was interrupted briefly when the waiter came back, carrying a dandelion salad, two wine glasses and a bottle of wine, resting the food on the table. "Dishes are here, enjoy."

"Thank you," the mare gave the waiter a smile as Werner continued on his lecture.

"We don't- we can only predict it, and act accordingly." he picked up the wine bottle and poured himself a glass, quickly downed a quarter of it rather quickly. He felt the alcohol warm up his esophagus and stomach, radiating throughout the rest of his body like a furnace. "Hmm, this is stronger than I expected. You want some?"

"Sure- a bit wouldn't hurt." Werner complied to this by tipping the bottle over her glass. "Thank you."

Werner watched in astonishment and amazement when he saw Octavia down nearly all of the glass in one go. Octavia noticed this and gave him a look.

"Sorry," he raised up a hand halfway, "Please ignore my ogling problem when it comes to strangers."

Whatever bitterness remained in Octavia's glance quickly evaporated upon hearing this, "Don't be. I've experienced the same problems before, and still do sometimes."

The atmosphere between the two now seemingly lightened up a notch, opening up the barriers of more complicated topics. Although Werner would be talking about the logic of his world with politics and controversial topics that the pony would probably have some trouble understanding, Octavia told him about the logic of magic in Equestria, to which the human would have even more trouble in trying to comprehend. But in all seriousness, there actually wasn't much for the two to share in terms where they could both understand; such topics would be outright boring and rather pointless to carry.

Octavia eventually finished her salad and about a good two thirds of the bottle, where else Werner only finished up the remaining third in the back and forth conversation of attrition. Although not visibly drunk, Werner could tell that the alcohol was getting into her head through her tone of voice, which got audibly more scratchy and slurred by the end of the date, when his watch went off at the 50 minute mark.

"Have to go now?" she asked.

"Yeah. Gotta check up on something at my place." He hesitated for a second, but decided to screw it and dive in for the kill, "You can stay over at my place for a few hours if you want. You look shaken."

"I... I guess a few hours wouldn't hurt," she slowly agreed as the message worked its way to her head, "How far do you live?"

"Just a few houses from here," he assured, intending that it wouldn't cause him any trouble, "I don't want you to go home while worked up in the freezing weather. Can't afford an accident."

"You little tease, you sure like to think outside the box, don't you?" she asked in a teasing tone.

"What can I say? I guess I'm just pragmatic," he chuckled, raising a hand up over his head, "Waiter!"

The same waiter that served them came over again, where Werner paid the bill and left him a rather generous tip. They exchanged a smile of approval when he trotted away, leaving Werner to get his coat on to lead Octavia back to his place.

"Lead the way," she said, the both of them stepping out of the diner and into the winter scenario.

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Some time later...

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Ugh...

The first thing that Werner felt when he woke up was a furry, warm mass splayed out on his chest and abdomen, along with the firm texture of the wooden floor against his back. He creaked an eye open, but quickly squeezed it back shut upon the faintest reception of light. Was it really that bright?

Instinctively, he brought a hand up to his eyes, slowly opening them up again, managing to identify the furry mass on him as a gray Earth pony. It didn't take him half a brain to notice that something was missing from his body, considering the abstract texture and heat radiating from the pony in contact with his skin.

Although the initial wave of panic began to rise through him, he quickly settled down as he began to replay what events he tried to piece up from last night.

'Okay, let's see- So Octavia came over, we drank, and then...' his thought of conscious was suddenly interrupted by a churning in his stomach, with the inexplicit feeling of bile rising up the esophagus from the resulting hangover.

He quickly bolted up off the floor, carrying the pony in his arms and almost tossing her on the bed, he bolted out the bedroom into the bathroom just across the short hallway. Feeling his way to the toilet, he lifted the lid on the toilet and placed his face halfway into the bowl as he released his discontent into the excrement into the disposal centre. Although he didn't see, he thought he felt some of it splash onto his face.

'Well, at least it's better than puking on the carpet.' he relaxed mentally.

He got up and reached over for the light switch, flicking it on. He regretted the decision almost immediately, nearly blinded by the bathroom's incandescent light, forcing him to shut his eyes and squatting on the toilet seat for a few minutes. Once he felt that the hangover has cleared enough to make eyesight at least tolerable, he cracked open his eyes again, proceeding to flush out his mouth and splash some water onto his face. The latter woke him up rather quickly, with the blood quickly rushing back to his head.

Hauling his eyes upward, he snapped a quick glance at himself. He was completely naked, with his hair being tangled similarly to how a mop in a bucket would look like. His eyes looked as if he washed them out with lemonade and saltwater, and felt otherwise. It was a hell of a hangover.

Regaining some effectiveness in his senses, Werner walked back into his room softly, not helping to notice at how dark it still was. He felt his way for the pieces of clothes thrown around the rather small floor space of the room, managing to get a hold of what he felt like a pair of underwear and an undershirt.

'It would do.' he sighed, slipping on the garnets but not helping but to feel himself getting stiff and swollen throughout his body.

Werner wanted to go back to the bathroom's medicine cabinet to grab some Tylenol or Advil, but then remembered that such things didn't exist in Equestria. He decided to just have a cup of hot coca when the mare on his bed decided to wake up, enlicting him to freeze in conflict.

"Ugh..." she groaned, but then began in a much less informal and courteous tone, opening her eyes slowly and getting up from the mattress, noticing the figure in front of her. "Well, good morning, Mr. Brandt."

"Good morning, Octavia." he breathed a sigh of relief. At least she didn't just wake up and begin to freak out over where she was and such.

"Um... do you have a bathroom?" she asked, this time in a soft, uneasy voice.

"Right across the from our room"

She didn't say anything, but rather just quickly clopped into the bathroom like a hungry parasprite and shut the door, with the ever familiar sound of vomiting being emitted from within. Werner took the moment to place a kettle of water over the stove before finding the mare coming out of the light filled bathroom with a rather obvious question on her hoof.

"So... what happened last night?"

"Last night?" Werner repeated, scratching his chin a few times, "Let's see, we went on a blind date, I invited you over because you looked rather drunk, and we drank some more once we got here."

"Yes, and what about afterwards?" she questioned in a cool, but contained voice.

"Something, something that happened took place in the bedroom..." with that, he reached over and felt the light switch on the bedroom wall. "Might want to cover your eyes."

She raised a hoof over her eyes, all aware of the effects of a hangover. Werner flipped on the switch to the light, bathing the room in a brief sea of white before vision returned to them. There they saw the aftershock of their drinking session: a few objects from the bedside table were thrown to the ground, along with several rather expensive looking shirts and pants to follow it. But then they turned their attention to the bed...

...which had some overturned covers and scrunched up bedsheets with the pillows. That was to the least of their concerns however, considering the irregularly shaped puddle right towards the middle of the bed...

"Did I- Did we wet ourselves in the bed?" Octavia stammered, hoping that she was correct for the case.

"I don't think so..." Werner flattened out the sheets, felt the puddle's sticky contents, and proceeded to give it a quick whiff. "Oh, fuck..."

"...Did we?"

"Yes..." his voice was now growing lower by the minute, "I'm afraid that it's our love puddle, and that last night we.. we.."

"Fucked while drunk?" she completed, inciting a nod from the human.

"I'm afraid so..."

The two stood in awkward silence for a moment before the kettle went off, decidingly reminding Werner that the boiled water is ready, and that he had a new card available to play.

"Want something to drink?" he asked, jerking a thumb towards the kitchen.

"Sure- Some tea would work."

He moved into the kitchen to turn off the stove, grabbing some cups and the kettle to settle it on the dining table. Clumsily, he flipped on the living room lights, proceeding to grab some tea leaves and coca powder from the upper kitchen cupboards, placing them separately into the cups before flushing it out with the hot water.

"Come on, you can take a seat."

They sat down around the table, blowing on their still hot beverages, attempting to pipe down the heat a little. Werner took the moment to steal some glances at the mare; she was just as affected by the hangover as he was, with her mane dishevelled and coat losing some lustre. Her eyes looked no better than his at the moment; the normally vibrant pools of purple looked more like replaced with bloodshot and fatigue.

"Oh, that helped, a lot." Octavia sighed, feeling the hot tea work its way into her food pipe. It was a departure from the burning alcohol, as the heat actually felt natural. She cherished the bitter taste of the tea that washed away some of the acids and residual alcohol she ejected earlier, and relieved a much agonizing headache.

"Uh huh..." Werner agreed as he sipped his coca. It was sweet and sugary, helping him regain some vital energy for the opening phases of the day.

She placed her cup down, finding her proper tone of voice back. "So, let's try to work this out from the beginning again, shall we?"

"Okay, let's see..." Werner scratched his head, "So we went on a blind date set up by Rarity at the diner..."

"Alright, and now we're at your place, is this correct?" Octavia filled in.

"One step at a time," the human raised a hand slightly, taking another sip of coca, "We both got rather worked up over their wine, so I invited you over to my place cause it's closer and safer than walking in the snow all drunk."

"Then we got here and drank some of your stuff," Octavia pieced in, remembering some of the details from last night which just happened to be derailed.

"And then we got doped, forgetting most of what happened... back there." Werner gave a thumb jerk in the direction of the bedroom.

"Heh. I think I knew what happened, if you want to know, that is." A voice came from down the living room, but still out of their sight.

"Who are you?" Octavia tensed up, upon hearing the new voice. Werner however, reconsigned it.

"Gunther?" he asked, finishing off his cup of drink, "What are you doing up this early?"

"Helping you two solve your last night mystery," he stepped into view, giving the two a light smirk over his attempted dramatic entrance.

"Are you Werner's room mate?" Octavia asked with no particular reason.

"The one and only. Anyways, I can tell you two what happened last night. If you want me to, that is."

"Wait a minute," Werner questioned, "How would you know what happened last night? You weren't even home!"

"I came home at five yesterday," the room mate reasoned, "When I came in, I found you two talking to each other, taking turns swigging the bottle- you two didn't even notice me. I tried to leave you two alone by reading in my room, but then you guys got loud."

"You were spying on us?" he shot Gunther a death glare, while Octavia decided to stay out of their argument.

"Not like I wanted to, but you guys were screaming so loud that I thought you were going to wake the neighbours. Had to check to see if you two were alright, but then ended up watching the show."

"You don't know how much I despise you right now, you little scheiße." Werner cursed at him.

"Hey-You know me, I'm not that mean; it's not like I'm going to sell this out for Equestria's next sexual rating board. Now do you want to hear what happened or not?"

"Fine..." Werner grumbled, pulling over a chair next to the table. "Tell us what happened last night."

"You want me to tell you the naughty bits too?" Gunther smirked as he settled down behind the table.

"Just tell us everything," Werner's eye twitched, "So we can see how badly it went. If that's OK with you, 'Tavi..."

"I'm all ears for the truth." she reassured.

"Alright. So it all began last evening..."

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Decided to break up the story into two parts now. Might put some clop in the next chapter. Feel free to provide a constructive review, or just flame me. Either one works.


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